Will you? \\k.s

I have never been loved.

Why do you feel so? Replied the boy.

I don’t have a hand to hold this fall. With the leaves that are shedding, shed my self confidence and hope. No one to wipe my tears and say that I’m pretty. Look me into the eyes with utmost love, embrace my flaws and promise to love me till the next fall and many more. No one. None.

But what if you’re not able to see the love through your despairing eyes?

Am I really that unfortunate to not sense the love that exists? Am I really that flawed to not notice the one who loves(me)?

Not unfortunate, my love. Just despaired. He thought.

Look at those unfortunate trees, shedding the leaves with teary eyes but with the hope that they’ll retreat the next spring.

Well I have no one to hope for to come back. No one to say goodbye to, with the hope that they’ll come back.

The one who actually loves, will never leave, Susan. You wouldn’t ever have any goodbyes to give, a kiss to spare, or a hand to wave. Believe me. He’ll stay. All you have to do is remain like a tree, waiting for your hope and love to grow back like the leaves. Said the boy to the girl he loved.

Well, will you?

Will I what?

Will you stay?

Yes, had I loved you. He said, with a voice almost cracking, sweaty palms and teary eyes.

She cried a little and he smiled.

As he left for Vietnam, he waved at her as she waved back and he turned his head. She waved while muttering a love you behind his back.

As he muttered a love you too.

And so she waited like a tree in the fall, seeing her favourite flower gloom, waiting for the spring to come and bring him along.

©Khushi Suneja

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Tears \\k.s

Running down my cheeks, while I faked a smile, my tears looked up to me, begging for an answer. I couldn’t reply a word. Watching him leave, left me without a word and spare me only tears. Tears. He looked at me with so much love, assuring me that he would return. I couldn’t help but smile. Smile, and wave a goodbye. Smile, and cry. I watched him depart. Saw him fiddle with his luggage while trying to wave me back a goodbye. Trying to control his tears. Tears. I tried to force mine in somehow but failed. Failed to depart him with a smile. Failed to let him leave with a feeling that it’ll be alright and that he’d return. Failed to see him depart without tears. Tears. I wish I had something to say before his departure. Wish that I had something to assure him that I’ll be alright. Wish that I had gifted him something else instead of those tears. Tears. I wonder how life would be without him. Wonder how I’ll pass my time without him by my side. Wonder how I’ll live with all those tears. Tears. I wonder how his life would be without me. Would he be alright? Would he survive these years with a smile? Or would he live with all those tears. Tears. I wish it wasn’t as hard as it is. I wish it was not that complicated. I wish it was easy to let go. I wish it was easy to forget all the moments we’ve had together, you know, just to feel a little better.

I wish it was easy to live with a smile.

I wish it was easy to live without those tears.

Tears.

© Khushi Suneja