My heart\\k.s

In this little world where everything’s expensive, my heart was available for free; unused, full of feelings, full of emotions.

And yes, you took it all by yourself. I expected you to give me yours but you left me bare, all bare.

But for all I could have ever known was that I was gonna get it back one day. All used, all shattered, all torn.

My heart was torn, so you give it back. Hers wasn’t, so you took it instead and kept it all by yourself. But in the midst of all this, it wasn’t just my heart I realized that I was regretful of giving you. It was more of my trust. My trust, not in you though. But in me. It had been my faith in myself that had compelled me to give you my heart. Now it lies here, all shattered and ruined.

©Khushi Suneja

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My Scars\\k.s

Your love tried to take the credit of my poetry. But unfortunately, my dear, it were your scars that compelled me to write.

I wonder if you look at yourself in the mirror and feel the same. Do you feel the way I feel? No, you don’t. You don’t have the scars to hide, or the marks to run away from.

I was never ever so pretty as much as you made me feel one day. Just like I was never ever this unfortunate as much as I felt this day.

You never ever even touched me. Yet, you left your marks. Now your scars lie all over my hands and legs, marks on my face, and bruises on my neck.

Do you have anything to regret? I hope you do. And I hope it’s the scars you are the most regretful of.

©Khushi Suneja

Roses are flawed\\k.s

Roses are flawed.

Violets are blemished.

The people I loved and cared for,

Are the one that actually vanished.

© Khushi Suneja

Will you? \\k.s

I have never been loved.

Why do you feel so? Replied the boy.

I don’t have a hand to hold this fall. With the leaves that are shedding, shed my self confidence and hope. No one to wipe my tears and say that I’m pretty. Look me into the eyes with utmost love, embrace my flaws and promise to love me till the next fall and many more. No one. None.

But what if you’re not able to see the love through your despairing eyes?

Am I really that unfortunate to not sense the love that exists? Am I really that flawed to not notice the one who loves(me)?

Not unfortunate, my love. Just despaired. He thought.

Look at those unfortunate trees, shedding the leaves with teary eyes but with the hope that they’ll retreat the next spring.

Well I have no one to hope for to come back. No one to say goodbye to, with the hope that they’ll come back.

The one who actually loves, will never leave, Susan. You wouldn’t ever have any goodbyes to give, a kiss to spare, or a hand to wave. Believe me. He’ll stay. All you have to do is remain like a tree, waiting for your hope and love to grow back like the leaves. Said the boy to the girl he loved.

Well, will you?

Will I what?

Will you stay?

Yes, had I loved you. He said, with a voice almost cracking, sweaty palms and teary eyes.

She cried a little and he smiled.

As he left for Vietnam, he waved at her as she waved back and he turned his head. She waved while muttering a love you behind his back.

As he muttered a love you too.

And so she waited like a tree in the fall, seeing her favourite flower gloom, waiting for the spring to come and bring him along.

©Khushi Suneja

Tears \\k.s

Running down my cheeks, while I faked a smile, my tears looked up to me, begging for an answer. I couldn’t reply a word. Watching him leave, left me without a word and spare me only tears. Tears. He looked at me with so much love, assuring me that he would return. I couldn’t help but smile. Smile, and wave a goodbye. Smile, and cry. I watched him depart. Saw him fiddle with his luggage while trying to wave me back a goodbye. Trying to control his tears. Tears. I tried to force mine in somehow but failed. Failed to depart him with a smile. Failed to let him leave with a feeling that it’ll be alright and that he’d return. Failed to see him depart without tears. Tears. I wish I had something to say before his departure. Wish that I had something to assure him that I’ll be alright. Wish that I had gifted him something else instead of those tears. Tears. I wonder how life would be without him. Wonder how I’ll pass my time without him by my side. Wonder how I’ll live with all those tears. Tears. I wonder how his life would be without me. Would he be alright? Would he survive these years with a smile? Or would he live with all those tears. Tears. I wish it wasn’t as hard as it is. I wish it was not that complicated. I wish it was easy to let go. I wish it was easy to forget all the moments we’ve had together, you know, just to feel a little better.

I wish it was easy to live with a smile.

I wish it was easy to live without those tears.

Tears.

© Khushi Suneja

Denial \\k.s

You didn’t see my tears, didn’t see me cry within.

Never saw my scars, nor the pain I carried in.

Simply ignored my bruises plus those dirty marks.

Rewarded me with taunts and rude remarks.

You screamed, slapped and defied.

I hid, fell and cried.

You hurt me a million times, all you had was me to assault.

I backed up a thousand times, praying that you would stop.

I cried all night, while you slept.

Saving all I could; a secret that I kept.

You would often call me names, often appall.

I would often ignore, never recall.

You simply didn’t care to notice what my heart desired.

You did all you could and I never backfired.

My body wanted to escape, wanted a revival.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t. ‘Cause I was living in denial.

© Khushi Suneja

Broken💔 \\k.s

My viens crimson red, my heart royal blue.

Couldn’t believe a truth that was inevitably true.

The sun was out at midnight, the moon anything but pure white.

I looked all o’er for you,

But there seemed no time to bid adieu.

With passing time, my wounds healed.

Though the scars remained.

My tears dried up and I learned to swallow the pain.

With a frozen heartbeat and accursed lips,

I take your name, but find zilch amidst.

But all that I know is that you’ll retreat.

Perhaps, you’ll fake a cry or even fall on your knees.

Years later, you’ll look for my heart.

And in an attempt, pull 2 souls apart.

You’ll search for the lover you’d left before,

But find the devil take me o’er.

You’ll find a place where my heartbeat does reside.

Though, unfortunately, there’s not a heart but a black stone inside.

You’ll touch my face but find no warmth in there,

My love’s completely cold, lone and bare.

You’ll try to find whether there’s any love left,

But there’s just broken promises, denial; my heart’s bereft.

You’ll look into my eyes, try to peep in.

Try to find your answers but just find a question within….

You knew that I was broken from the inside,

How could you have the audacity to break me twice?

© Khushi Suneja