18

Wriggling at the back of my throat; a thought straight through my mind.

Will I ever be content? “Well yes”, my heart lied. 

This lil world to which I was confined,

Got my soul all soaked and my hands all tied.

You just went to work,

While I prepared your food.

You spent time around your clerks,

While I cleaned, cooked and brewed.

Feeding my little kid,

While I missed out on meals. 

Switching diapers was all I did,

While my pals exchanged deals.

I taught my little one, 

While you drowned in your sleep,

I stayed up with my son,

Without a blink of the eye, but yeah a lil weep.

My job was to clean the dishes,

Make your clothes, spotless.

Taking care of your wishes,

Leaving my life, lifeless.

Hurt was an understatement,

As my life, away from me, was snatched.

With your due acknowledgement,

What I believe, we never matched. 

I was only 18, when my life came to a halt.

And people just ask me why.

I say that I was married off.

And left alone to die.

To The One Within

Dear self,

I know you’re trying your hardest to be at your best. Behind the smile that you fake everyday, I can see the pain. I can see the pain within your gorgeous eyes that lie behind those big frame glasses. I can hear your soul cry. 

Cry, cry.

I can feel your body get numb each time you see yourself in the mirror. Wondering, whether there’ll ever come a time when you’ll look a little better. I can see you curse under your breath each time you get a glimpse. I don’t blame you. I was never impressed by what I saw in the mirror either. 

I can feel you getting nauseated each time you get reminded of your past. Each time someone mentions it, you feel like dying, I know. I can feel it too. Recalling everything, makes you cry.

Cry, cry.

I know pretty girl, what’s going inside of you. 

Love, 

Self.

Broken

My viens crimson red, my heart royal blue.

Couldn’t believe a truth that was inevitably true.

The sun was out at midnight, the moon anything but pure white. 

I looked all o’er for you, 

But there seemed no time to bid adieu.

With passing time, my wounds healed.

Though the scars remained.

My tears dried up and I learned to swallow the pain.

With a frozen heartbeat and accursed lips, 

I take your name, but find zilch amidst.

But all that I know is that you’ll retreat. 

Perhaps, you’ll fake a cry or even fall on your knees.

Years later, you’ll look for my heart.

And in an attempt, pull 2 souls apart.

You’ll search for the lover you’d left before,

But find the devil take me o’er.

You’ll find a place where my heartbeat does reside.

Though, unfortunately, there’s not a heart but a black stone inside.

You’ll touch my face but find no warmth in there,

My love’s completely cold, lone and bare.

You’ll try to find whether there’s any love left,

But there’s just broken promises, denial; my heart’s bereft.

You’ll look into my eyes, try to peep in.

Try to find your answers but just find a question within….

You knew that I was broken from the inside,

How could you have the audacity to break me twice? 

Poison

“Bitter sweet ecstasy that you got me in, 

Fallen deep, I can’t sleep tonight.”

I jammed to my favourite song in the car while savouring my Pumpkin Spice Lotté from Starbucks. With Rita Ora blaring through the speakers and the wind blowing in from the window, I could pretty much already call it a day. 

“Nothing ever, gets me high like this.”

I’ve never related or perhaps enjoyed this song as much as I did this very moment. Today marks the third day after my break up with Kevin about 2 weeks ago. Not to mention after a 4 year long relationship. 

“Nothing can kill me like you do.”

All the time we’ve had been together, I’ve always allowed him to kill me. I swear his presence was like a drug to me ’cause I was surely addicted to it.

You’re going straight to my head.”

But I soon realized that mine was like a cigarette to him. He would always enjoy a smoke but throw me away when done.

“And I’m heading straight for the edge.” 

I know he was playing all this while but it took me years to finally resist him. I knew he was killing me from inside, but I could not help but savour it.

“I pick my poison and it’s you.”

But I just knew I’ve had enough and could not handle it anymore. He was no longer that drug I was addicted to; he was now a poison. Killing me, gradually. I was no more that cigarette, but rather alcohol. Bitter sweet, yet enjoyable.

I was killing myself.

He was enjoying it.

                __________X__________

A/N : The lyrics I’ve used in here are of the song Poison by Rita Ora.

Hope For Paws

So some time ago, I was watching some videos of homeless dogs, wandering around in the streets of Los Angeles, who were brutally left alone by their owners. But soon they were rescued by the team of Hope For Paws. In case you don’t know, they are a LA based agency that go about finding dogs on the streets, provide them with a shelter,treat them with love and help them find a new home. Some of the instances of major transformations by them are there below:-​

​​

​​

I honestly don’t understand how can someone be heartless enough to leave such a loyal animal on the street to starve? I was very much in tears when I saw such videos. There are people in this world who crave for the presence and the love of a dog; people like me. Then, there are people who do not appreciate them and leave them to starve to death. How can such people possibly exist in this world? Then there are people like these; who go about looking dogs on the local streets, provide them with all the possible medication, treat them with love and kindness and help them regain their trust in human beings. 

I don’t know what we, human beings, have done to deserve dogs at all. But all I can say is that I plead to every single dog owner(or any pet owner) in this world to love your pet to the fullest and do not leave them around to die. Moreover, if you can’t take their responsibility, atleast leave them with some sort of organization like Hope For Paws or Rescue From The Hart. Or better, don’t buy/adopt them in the first place, in case you wanna leave them in future or once they get old.

And to every animal rescuer out there, you are doing an amazing job. You are very much loved and your good deed is very much appreciated. 

Thank You. 

#LoveYourPetsPlease #SpreadAwareness

Room 105

​Room 105. 6:45 a.m.

He laid there still, with half a heart and a sunken hope. My faith sank down to zero. The sight of him undergoing such an excruciating pain was unbearable. The idea of losing him even worse. I went and sat down beside him and touched his cold hands with my shivering ones, assuming that he was still alive. Shortly, he opened his eyes and looked straight into mine. He touched my face at the corner of my eyes where once the tears had been. He murmured something, what seemed like an apology with his gaze never leaving mine. Oh dear, I wish I could say “It’s fine.” but I seemed to have lost my voice. He held my hands into his and with all the strength left in him, pulled me into his embrace. We stood there like that, not exchanging a word, for what seemed like eternity. My heart skipped a beat.                 

Soon, I felt things slipping out of my hands. His hands went all cold and pale, his eyes as dead as rocks and his body motionless and numb as the ECG showed a flat line. I wish I could turn back time as I wasn’t yet ready to lose him. I felt his grip on my hands loosen as I let go of his hands. A part of me had died inside. Before my eyes I saw my universe take his last breath as my world plunged into darkness.

I left the hospital and a part of me inside, looked at the corner of the street and saw a banner that read SMOKING KILLS.                           

 I shed a tear.

Faint Traces Of Your Memory

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

I sipped on my coffee as I hummed to myself,

While you laid on the other end of the saloon.

We locked eyes, for what seemed like eternity,

Before I looked away and perhaps, you didn’t. 

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember. 

When you took me out for breakfast for the first time ever.

I could feel your eyes admiring my face as I savoured the waffles that you had ordered for us.

I remember how I blushed while you complimented me for my dress.

I remember how you made me smile for the first time in weeks.

I remember how your gaze never left my face all day.

But just don’t remember how you did that so perfectly.

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

When you held my hand into yours and looked right into my eyes.

I could feel my cheeks turn red as you pulled me closer and lessened the distance between us.

I remember how I felt the butterflies in my stomach while you looked at me with so much affection.

I remember feeling your breath on my neck while I looked down to the ground.

I remember how you cupped my face, making me meet your gaze before you pulled me into your embrace.

But just don’t remember how we fell in love that quick.

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

When you knocked at my door, early in the morning.

I could feel my smile grow wider as you handed me those lovely, red roses.

I remember how you made me blush, yet again, with your wonderful compliments.

I remember how you made me fall deeper in love with you, so perfectly.

But just don’t remember how you managed to do that so effortlessly.

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

When we finally exchanged our vows,in front of our families in the Church.

I could feel your eyes on me as I walked down the aisle.

I remember how you took my hand into yours and murmured yet another compliment.

I remember how you looked into my eyes as we exchanged our rings.

But just don’t remember, how we grew that strong within a year.

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

When you stepped out of the house, with your luggage right beside you.

I could feel my eyes getting teary as I saw you leaving.

I remember you telling me that you’d return soon while holding me in your embrace.

I remember you giving me kisses on my cheek, trying to make me feel better. 

I remember you taking your first step out of the house, promising to return soon.

But just don’t remember how soon, you said you’d come.

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

When I kept myself preoccupied in the company of a dirty liar named nostalgia.

I could feel the pain and sorrow while switching through our pictures in the gallery.

I remember smiling through the pain, watching you hold my hand in the photograph as I smiled to the ground.

I remember recalling our moments, day after day, trying to miss you a little lesser.

I remember crying myself to sleep, praying that you would come back soon.

But just don’t remember how all of my prayers went unanswered.  

It was a Sunday morning, I distinctly remember.

When you locked eyes again, but this time not mine brown, but her black ones.

I could see your grin grow wider as she whispered something in your ears as my heart stopped for an instance.

I remember, you making her blush, like how you used to make me.

I remember, you calling her ‘beautiful’, the same way you used to call me.

I remember, you holding her hand, as if it were mine.

I remember, you loving her the same way you loved me.

I remember, tears rolling down my eyes as you broke my heart into a million little pieces.

I remember, my soul leaving my body, gradually, as it no longer had enough strength to hold on.

I remember, missing you.

Loving you.

Wanting you.

But just don’t remember, leaving you.