My heart\\k.s

In this little world where everything’s expensive, my heart was available for free; unused, full of feelings, full of emotions.

And yes, you took it all by yourself. I expected you to give me yours but you left me bare, all bare.

But for all I could have ever known was that I was gonna get it back one day. All used, all shattered, all torn.

My heart was torn, so you give it back. Hers wasn’t, so you took it instead and kept it all by yourself. But in the midst of all this, it wasn’t just my heart I realized that I was regretful of giving you. It was more of my trust. My trust, not in you though. But in me. It had been my faith in myself that had compelled me to give you my heart. Now it lies here, all shattered and ruined.

©Khushi Suneja

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My Scars\\k.s

Your love tried to take the credit of my poetry. But unfortunately, my dear, it were your scars that compelled me to write.

I wonder if you look at yourself in the mirror and feel the same. Do you feel the way I feel? No, you don’t. You don’t have the scars to hide, or the marks to run away from.

I was never ever so pretty as much as you made me feel one day. Just like I was never ever this unfortunate as much as I felt this day.

You never ever even touched me. Yet, you left your marks. Now your scars lie all over my hands and legs, marks on my face, and bruises on my neck.

Do you have anything to regret? I hope you do. And I hope it’s the scars you are the most regretful of.

©Khushi Suneja

Midnight Reminiscing\\k.s

Night 1,

I knew sitting alone at the corner of my room at midnight in dim lights would do me no good. Nor would thinking about you would. But it would give me enough reasons to write about the pain. The pain given by you.

Night 12,

We may not be a thing anymore. But I will assure that your memories stay in my poetry.

Night 25,

My mom kept asking me what happened to me the other day. I did not have the guts to mention your name.

Night 37,

I wonder if you stay awake at midnight too. Remembering me. Regretting me.

Night 59,

You used to be my only one. I used to be only one of them. I still remember.

Night 73,

Missing you, I feel was like my duty. But wanting you was my passion.

Night 82,

I wonder what made me like you in the first place. Just like what made you leave me in the last.

Night 100,

There was a time I used to write for you. Now I kinda write about you.

©Khushi Suneja

Not you, again\\k.s

No. Not you, again.

Bearing you is beyond my ken.

Not letting you touch me, anymore.

Staying alone, evermore.

Never letting you ever reach me.

No matter how hard it is gonna be.

Never letting your shadow on me, fall.

Wouldn’t ever again, let you appall.

After all the years that we’ve together spent,

Thanks for giving me reasons to lament.

Wasting my time on you was a mistake.

Was the biggest ever risk to take.

You never spare me a moment to cherish.

Causing what you could; my life to perish.

Finally after learning how to resist,

Never again questioned why do I even exist.

Now I’m happy the way I am.

Never letting you my joy, scam.

No. Not you, again.

Never. Never again.

©Khushi Suneja

Broken💔 \\k.s

My viens crimson red, my heart royal blue.

Couldn’t believe a truth that was inevitably true.

The sun was out at midnight, the moon anything but pure white.

I looked all o’er for you,

But there seemed no time to bid adieu.

With passing time, my wounds healed.

Though the scars remained.

My tears dried up and I learned to swallow the pain.

With a frozen heartbeat and accursed lips,

I take your name, but find zilch amidst.

But all that I know is that you’ll retreat.

Perhaps, you’ll fake a cry or even fall on your knees.

Years later, you’ll look for my heart.

And in an attempt, pull 2 souls apart.

You’ll search for the lover you’d left before,

But find the devil take me o’er.

You’ll find a place where my heartbeat does reside.

Though, unfortunately, there’s not a heart but a black stone inside.

You’ll touch my face but find no warmth in there,

My love’s completely cold, lone and bare.

You’ll try to find whether there’s any love left,

But there’s just broken promises, denial; my heart’s bereft.

You’ll look into my eyes, try to peep in.

Try to find your answers but just find a question within….

You knew that I was broken from the inside,

How could you have the audacity to break me twice?

© Khushi Suneja

Poison \\k.s

“Bitter sweet ecstasy that you got me in,

Fallen deep, I can’t sleep tonight.”

I jammed to my favourite song in the car while savouring my Pumpkin Spice Lotté from Starbucks. With Rita Ora blaring through the speakers and the wind blowing in from the window, I could pretty much already call it a day.

“Nothing ever, gets me high like this.”

I’ve never related or perhaps enjoyed this song as much as I did this very moment. Today marks the third day after my break up with Kevin about 2 weeks ago. Not to mention after a 4 year long relationship.

“Nothing can kill me like you do.”

All the time we’ve had been together, I’ve always allowed him to kill me. I swear his presence was like a drug to me ’cause I was surely addicted to it.

You’re going straight to my head.”

But I soon realized that mine was like a cigarette to him. He would always enjoy a smoke but throw me away when done.

“And I’m heading straight for the edge.”

I know he was playing all this while but it took me years to finally resist him. I knew he was killing me from inside, but I could not help but savour it.

“I pick my poison and it’s you.”

But I just knew I’ve had enough and could not handle it anymore. He was no longer that drug I was addicted to; he was now a poison. Killing me, gradually. I was no more that cigarette, but rather alcohol. Bitter sweet, yet enjoyable.

I was killing myself.

He was enjoying it.

© Khushi Suneja

__________X__________

A/N : The lyrics I’ve used in here are of the song Poison by Rita Ora.

Room 105 \\k.s

Room 105. 6:45 a.m.

He laid there still, with half a heart and a sunken hope. My faith sank down to zero. The sight of him undergoing such an excruciating pain was unbearable. The idea of losing him even worse. I went and sat down beside him and touched his cold hands with my shivering ones, assuming that he was still alive. Shortly, he opened his eyes and looked straight into mine. He touched my face at the corner of my eyes where once the tears had been. He murmured something, what seemed like an apology with his gaze never leaving mine. Oh dear, I wish I could say “It’s fine.” but I seemed to have lost my voice. He held my hands into his and with all the strength left in him, pulled me into his embrace. We stood there like that, not exchanging a word, for what seemed like eternity. My heart skipped a beat.

Soon, I felt things slipping out of my hands. His hands went all cold and pale, his eyes as dead as rocks and his body motionless and numb as the ECG showed a flat line. I wish I could turn back time as I wasn’t yet ready to lose him. I felt his grip on my hands loosen as I let go of his hands. A part of me had died inside. Before my eyes I saw my universe take his last breath as my world plunged into darkness.

I left the hospital and a part of me inside, looked at the corner of the street and saw a banner that read SMOKING KILLS.

I shed a tear.

© Khushi Suneja