Chaos \\k.s

Running like a wild mess, I looked behind my back. Monstrous men in black, chasing me. The wind being not so generous, blocking my way now and then. I turned once more and ran as fast as I could. I reminded myself of how I used to run away from situations, back in my childhood. It was of no use, though. I heard the noise of the bullet that went right past my arm and hit the building in front. I took a turn, yet again and continued to run. I reached the corner of the street and felt no way out.

Dead end.

Finding no way out, I started to run inside the building that laid at the corner. Started climbing up the stairs, heading for the roof. The tapping of their boots, still audible. I wondered if I could finally get caught, today. What if they never reach me, like those hundred times? Running wild, I crossed the steps with heaving breaths. Black tuxedos trying to get hold of me, grasp me, catch me. I swayed here and there, switching my lanes. Finally, those black ties thought of a strategy and surrounded me … 3 men in front, 5 behind. The leader took out his gun aiming at my eye, shouting what felt like a warning, most likely asking for surrender. Aha. Nice move, gunshot. I said to him. He loaded the bullet. I made my move.

Running past him, dodging the bullets I pushed myself through and went right into the glass window, falling down the building. Those tuxedos trying to find a way out. I, looked at my right injured arm and said to the blood flowing through that chaos, was I ; that whirlpool of mess…these black ties could never catch.

I fled as fast as I could.

©Khushi Suneja

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To The One Within \\k.s

Dear self,

I know you’re trying your hardest to be at your best. Behind the smile that you fake everyday, I can see the pain. I can see the pain within your gorgeous eyes that lie behind those big frame glasses. I can hear your soul cry.

Cry, cry.

I can feel your body get numb each time you see yourself in the mirror. Wondering, whether there’ll ever come a time when you’ll look a little better. I can see you curse under your breath each time you get a glimpse. I don’t blame you. I was never impressed by what I saw in the mirror either.

I can feel you getting nauseated each time you get reminded of your past. Each time someone mentions it, you feel like dying, I know. I can feel it too. Recalling everything, makes you cry.

Cry, cry.

I know pretty girl, what’s going inside of you.

Love,

Self.

© Khushi Suneja

Not you, again\\k.s

No. Not you, again.

Bearing you is beyond my ken.

Not letting you touch me, anymore.

Staying alone, evermore.

Never letting you ever reach me.

No matter how hard it is gonna be.

Never letting your shadow on me, fall.

Wouldn’t ever again, let you appall.

After all the years that we’ve together spent,

Thanks for giving me reasons to lament.

Wasting my time on you was a mistake.

Was the biggest ever risk to take.

You never spare me a moment to cherish.

Causing what you could; my life to perish.

Finally after learning how to resist,

Never again questioned why do I even exist.

Now I’m happy the way I am.

Never letting you my joy, scam.

No. Not you, again.

Never. Never again.

©Khushi Suneja

Denial \\k.s

You didn’t see my tears, didn’t see me cry within.

Never saw my scars, nor the pain I carried in.

Simply ignored my bruises plus those dirty marks.

Rewarded me with taunts and rude remarks.

You screamed, slapped and defied.

I hid, fell and cried.

You hurt me a million times, all you had was me to assault.

I backed up a thousand times, praying that you would stop.

I cried all night, while you slept.

Saving all I could; a secret that I kept.

You would often call me names, often appall.

I would often ignore, never recall.

You simply didn’t care to notice what my heart desired.

You did all you could and I never backfired.

My body wanted to escape, wanted a revival.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t. ‘Cause I was living in denial.

© Khushi Suneja

Just in case you’re having a bad day \\k.s

Just in case you’re having a bad day (or perhaps think so) think of:-

  1. A woman who just had a miscarriage and is feeling suicidial. Think how she must be feeling.
  2. A bride whose bridegroom didn’t turn up on the wedding day. Can there be anything worse?
  3. A little boy who lost his grandparents this morning.
  4. A little girl who just lost her parents in an accident.
  5. An old woman who lost her young son who’s in the army.
  6. A toddler whose dog just took it’s last breaths.
  7. A beggar who died in an accident leaving behind a starving family on the street.
  8. A teenager who had to slit her/his wrist due to peer pressure/rape/ragging/pressure from elders.
  9. A father who witnessed his little daughter fracture her foot.
  10. A mother who’s son lost his control over the arm due to a bullet shot.
  11. A man who got crippled for life due to someone else’s (doctors’) fault/carelessness.
  12. A woman who just lost her eye sight due to a serious illness.

    Just think of such scenarios and ponder over. Do you think your plight is worse than theirs? Don’t you think that their plight makes yours look insignificant now?

    There’s so much to thank for. So many things to smile about. But all we do is make our materialistic self cry over a mere thing. Consider a beggar now, who just begs all day, but doesn’t get enough bread to fill his and his family’s empty stomachs. And here we are….complaining for not getting enough cheese on our pizza or enough meatballs in noodles. Instead of donating a proportion of our meal to the beggar, we actually go about weeping over it not being enough.

    Whenever you get these thoughts just take a step back and wonder whether you’re actually having a bad day. Appreciate when you must and thank when you should. And the most important thing … Stop Complaining.Once you do you’ll realize that it wasn’t a bad day at all. All that makes a day ‘bad’ is simply your attitude. Change your attitude into gratitude.

    And you will never have a bad day again. ☺

    © Khushi Suneja

    Broken💔 \\k.s

    My viens crimson red, my heart royal blue.

    Couldn’t believe a truth that was inevitably true.

    The sun was out at midnight, the moon anything but pure white.

    I looked all o’er for you,

    But there seemed no time to bid adieu.

    With passing time, my wounds healed.

    Though the scars remained.

    My tears dried up and I learned to swallow the pain.

    With a frozen heartbeat and accursed lips,

    I take your name, but find zilch amidst.

    But all that I know is that you’ll retreat.

    Perhaps, you’ll fake a cry or even fall on your knees.

    Years later, you’ll look for my heart.

    And in an attempt, pull 2 souls apart.

    You’ll search for the lover you’d left before,

    But find the devil take me o’er.

    You’ll find a place where my heartbeat does reside.

    Though, unfortunately, there’s not a heart but a black stone inside.

    You’ll touch my face but find no warmth in there,

    My love’s completely cold, lone and bare.

    You’ll try to find whether there’s any love left,

    But there’s just broken promises, denial; my heart’s bereft.

    You’ll look into my eyes, try to peep in.

    Try to find your answers but just find a question within….

    You knew that I was broken from the inside,

    How could you have the audacity to break me twice?

    © Khushi Suneja

    Poison \\k.s

    “Bitter sweet ecstasy that you got me in,

    Fallen deep, I can’t sleep tonight.”

    I jammed to my favourite song in the car while savouring my Pumpkin Spice Lotté from Starbucks. With Rita Ora blaring through the speakers and the wind blowing in from the window, I could pretty much already call it a day.

    “Nothing ever, gets me high like this.”

    I’ve never related or perhaps enjoyed this song as much as I did this very moment. Today marks the third day after my break up with Kevin about 2 weeks ago. Not to mention after a 4 year long relationship.

    “Nothing can kill me like you do.”

    All the time we’ve had been together, I’ve always allowed him to kill me. I swear his presence was like a drug to me ’cause I was surely addicted to it.

    You’re going straight to my head.”

    But I soon realized that mine was like a cigarette to him. He would always enjoy a smoke but throw me away when done.

    “And I’m heading straight for the edge.”

    I know he was playing all this while but it took me years to finally resist him. I knew he was killing me from inside, but I could not help but savour it.

    “I pick my poison and it’s you.”

    But I just knew I’ve had enough and could not handle it anymore. He was no longer that drug I was addicted to; he was now a poison. Killing me, gradually. I was no more that cigarette, but rather alcohol. Bitter sweet, yet enjoyable.

    I was killing myself.

    He was enjoying it.

    © Khushi Suneja

    __________X__________

    A/N : The lyrics I’ve used in here are of the song Poison by Rita Ora.